User blog:AngelinBlack424/A Ridiculous New Goal in Life...
I know this is a bit early for a teenager to say, but obviously we all know that eventually we will grow out of our childhood and than throw back all the fun that we used to have. Tonight wasn't a very good night for me at all, but because of one thing I saw made me realize what I forgot since 2008 to 2009. When I was nearly 10 years old, I got my very first xbox 360, and my very first game was Halo 3. I was completely new to the entire idea, but at the same time I was very excited. I remember the very first day I began playing the game, crying because I didn't know how to play the game right. At the same time, my family lived a small apartment filled with horrible bad luck. So many unfortunate events happened during that time, but than I realized tonight that not everything at that time was bad. When I was 11 years old, my Aspergers was raging. I grew so obsessed with Halo, that every night I would force myself awake from dusk until dawn, playing Forge Mode on Foundry all night long, listening to Pop music that just recently came out, that were my absolute favorite. I loved staying up all night until morning playing the game in the nice silence while everyone slept. I sat in my recliner in the small livingroom and enjoyed talking to my xbox friends like SounderTamir, Samman2k7, Red FK Spark, and PennilessQew. They were the only people who I felt were my real friends that I could socialize with. Today, even though some of them turned there backs on me in the end, I still miss them. I was listening to music one night on my phone, usually I had been listening to heavy metal Miku Hagane as I usually did, but this time I decided to go a different road. I decided to tap on a song that I remember when I was at that age of ten. When I sat and listening to my red Walkman MP3 player rocking back and forth on my recliner in the small apartment building playing Halo 3. I began listening to the older song, until I finally scrolled in the Related music, and had seen a song that grabbed my heart the day I first heard it at Eleven or Twelve years old. I don't care if I get teased for listening to it, but that song was Battlefield by Jordan Sparks. I always listened to that song all the time being young, and I decided to listen to it once more, and than I just began to cry. I miss being me when I was younger, in the tiny apartment where all the bad things happened. I miss when I got to stay up all night and game on Halo until 7 in the morning when I listened to pop music until I went to bed. I miss waking up at 6 pm covered in sweat smelling dinner across the rooms, and knowing that I have just enough Energy to stay up another night. I miss being that kid; It was one of the amazing parts of my life. This blog post was absolutely unreasonable, I know, but I had to let it out. The reason I had given this blog post that certain name is because I now have a new goal in front of me that I want to accomplish before I die. Anytime when possible, just I want it to happen. At the right moment, I want to once again sit in my reclining chair, Walkman MP3 player on the arm rest, and xbox controller in my hand. I want to spend at least one night in my life reliving one of those days. I want to play Halo 3, listening to Beyonce and Jason Derulo until I get so tired that I flip on the music station until I feel ready enough for bed. Just one time is what I want. I am about to ask My step sister if she can download all the songs I used to listen to when I was younger (I'm going to pay her, because it's a lot of songs), and than I am going to wish for a Red Walkman Mp3 player and a new working Halo 3 disc. I am not going to give up. I miss my childhood, and I know it sounds completely stupid, but to me it's a goal to reach, and one I plan to reach. And do you know what else I really miss? I miss the times where I still had my laptop, and I still lived with my mom in a trailer home in 2010. I miss all my friends in my old high school. I miss Katy, Gabrielle, Zach... Zach, at the time, was a special friend that, to this day, I cannot get over thinking about. Zach was one of the most hurt and bullied students I've ever seen in that high school. He was Qwerky, awkward, and hyperactive, but that did not stop me being his friend. I knew I was too young to go out/date him because at the time I was only Twelve, and he had just suddenly asked me to be his girlfriend one day. I told him I would think about it and than tell my decision, but on the day I thought about the answer, he suddenly disappeared. Zach did not come to that school since than. I cried; I asked my Science Support Teacher where he left, and all she said was "He went Sorta into Homeschooling." She said SORTA. It got me worried, and I constantly drew pictures and pictures of him and me as Invaders from Invader Zim (Because I was severely obsessed with Zim all the time). To this day I still hope to meet him and befriend him again. I know I am not supposed to Go out with him, because I know JT is my special person, but I still want to at least be his friend again and show him what friendship is like. There's too many that I miss about the past, and I know I need to get it out of my head, but I just had to let it out. I'd rather write a dozen paragraph blog post on the wiki about how much I miss when I was younger, than cry my eyes out on the couch having my parents look and just assume I'm having a fit over My google account being taken away. I still remember that same song that I listened to the first day I actually got to meet Zach. It was in a school assembly about Bullying, and that song called Awake and Alive by Skillet. This song took a big scratch on the corner of my heart, as well as other things. But everytime I listen to that song, Zach appears in my head. To this day, I still attempt to find ways to look for him again, to befriend him, but with no luck. The only thing about him that I know is his last name. Before I stop my whining, I just want to announce that today is January 7th. It has been exactly one year ago that My best friend JT came back to the hospital after an Appendix burst, and had messaged me on Xbox. It was the first day he's ever announced he had a crush on me, and it was the first time I had ever had a real boyfriend before. I'm sorry, JT, If you're reading this. I don't mean to reference to this, I just feel so worked up and upset about the past that I can't stop thinking about the past years and the good times, compared to being a difficult teenager that does nothing but cause trouble... I'm sorry. I just needed to let all of this out. Category:Blog posts